Bringing sunlight into darkness

“Do you think I’m crazy?
Is there something wrong with me?
I don’t want to be angry.
I ain't trying to be!”
— “Ninety Miles” by EmiSunshine

Bravery comes in many forms. I saw it taken to a whole other level the other night.

A woman stood behind a microphone, her voice edgy as she fought back tears, rage actually. Her son, a sweet, innocent boy who fought valiantly against mental illness, had finally succumbed to its dreadful grip just a week earlier. 

---

She’s speaking to those gathered in the gymnasium at Lecanto High School for NAMIWalks Citrus, a fundraiser and awareness campaign with the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

The organization provides education and support for those suffering from mental illness, and their families. It’s MUCH more than that, but you get the drift.

This woman spoke of sleepless nights, frustrating attempts to find help, insurance snags…the situation never, ever, concluding. Always in crisis.

Then came her anger. We treat cancer. We treat heart disease. We even take care of lost pets. But the mentally ill? That’s hit-and-miss on a good day. 

The truth is, we just can’t figure this out.

Mental illness is bad enough, but much of society considers it fake news. Easy position to take until it happens to you or your family.

It’s confusing, mysterious, and illogical. Healing can be a long, frustrating process of small wins, followed by major setbacks. Longterm victories are celebrated.

More than anything, mental illness is heartbreaking in its grip.

I've mentioned my occasional depression. Nothing like what many unfortunates suffer through, but when it hits, it hits hard.

My brain is the quarterback of Team Mike. If it sends the wrong signals, the entire game plan is messed up. Worse, the brain blames me for the fumbles and interceptions, calls me worthless, and says I’ll never amount to anything, so I might as well quit the team now.

Yeah, look…it can happen that quickly. Mental illness is a horrible, dark, lonely place. If I can’t trust my thinking, what chance do I have for happiness? Relationships? Employment?

Plus, that stigma. Everyone’s judging me, I know they are. I know what they’re thinking because my poisoned brain has poisoned theirs, as well.

Loved ones can only stand by helplessly as the mental torture takes over. 

I found a song, “Ninety Miles,” among Deb’s setlist on Pandora. It speaks of the isolation of autism from the eyes of a child who knows her family loves her, but she doesn’t have the capacity to express love herself. It’s a devastating portrait of mental despair.

Fortunately, not all is lost.

See, what we have here in Citrus County is community empathy. NAMI Citrus and executive director Cindy Fein are on the front lines, providing valuable resources to our neighbors and their families. Sometimes, that resource is simply a listening ear. The rest of us handle that part fairly well.

Many folks are struggling these days. Maybe it’s not a declared mental illness. Maybe, it’s just the exhaustion of life. It’s so easy to have a small problem grow large and then overwhelming. That’s when we want to disappear.

Mental illness is the disease of loneliness. It is a constant battle to keep the darkness away. For some, like this brave mother's courageous son, the dim light fades away. Her raw pain made me so sad in one way, but eager to help in another.

No real point, just an awareness. Some of our neighbors are really hurting on the inside. Let’s bring some sunshine into their hearts.

That’s it for today. Have a great one, friends.

​Join the discussion on our Facebook page.
​
Enjoying the blog? Please consider supporting it at Venmo, PayPal, or Patreon.