Hearing a whisper in all the noise

My friend Natalie recently gave me one of those rubber-band type bracelets made popular in the “What would Jesus do?” movement.

I don’t usually wear anything like that. They’re not made for thin arms.

But I’m wearing this one. I’ll return to it in a moment.

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I’ve been very aware of my surroundings since Oct. 24. Being alone suddenly will do that to a person. I’m also very much into prayer and meditation since that day, seeking God’s will in my life.

How do I know if it’s God’s will? The preacher said follow the peace, and that works for me. Peace isn’t always peaceful, but the foundation is.

We’re seven months in the post-Deb era, and everything I’ve been warned about with grief has come true. The two biggest being that milestones will set me off, as will memories that drop in out of nowhere and have no place to go.

The latter occurred just Tuesday. I ran into a friend at Cattle Dog and we had a nice chat about our respective personal losses. Then, at the County Commission meeting, I couldn’t stop staring at Deb’s photo on my phone. I wanted to text her so much at that moment.

My brief experience told me I needed to go somewhere with that grief or it’d stick with me all week. That meant a car ride listening to the “My Deb” soundtrack, compiled in the weeks and months since Oct. 24. The songs are spiritual and personal. And they are guaranteed to produce a rush of sad emotions that lead into deep prayer.

These aren’t Travels with Bunny. No, she stayed home while I ventured to Bayport, which is tied with the Yankeetown boat ramp as my favorite non-Citrus coastal destination. Meditating on music, missing Deb, asking for help in trudging on, and getting it.

So, the bracelet. It reads: “Listen to the whisper…of God within.”

There is special meaning behind that specific phrase. Four weeks ago, the day after Deb’s sixth month, Natalie reached out to me when I was in a moment of quiet despair, just to make sure I was OK. The moment was touching, and would lead to many other deep conversations, over a very short period of time, about responding to God’s whisper.

We live in a world that’s just plain loud. I don’t know how else to say it. There is so much chatter, so much anger and blame, that it’s easy to get caught up. 

I have blog readers all the time pushing me toward one direction or the other. There’s an urgency out there to DO SOMETHING. What exactly that is, who knows?

Regular readers know I’m a Christian. God isn’t the author of calamity. The blog, which I consider mission-driven, isn’t designed to divide the community. It’s meant for conversation on issues that matter most. Yes, that means the occasional uncomfortable topic where we all mix it up.

But that should be the exception, not the rule. If we’re down here every morning banging the table with our fists, something is off. That’s no way to exist.

It’s funny. Every so often, I’ll ask that we tone down the rhetoric some. And, every time, someone will complain about it. Just the other day, a reader called me out because I didn’t answer someone else who called me out.

That gets old in a hurry. This is a free blog. The only people who pay are my advertising sponsors and those readers who are kind enough to help support the cause. As I told someone the other day: “If you think I’m connected in some terrible way, don’t read the blog.”

I love Just Wright Citrus and just about everything about it. But I recognize that I get caught up in the noise — goofy politicians, questionable land deals, and out-of-control growth. I seek the balance between telling readers what they should know and wouldn’t know if I didn’t tell them and keeping us from being so serious all the time.

That’s when I pause and listen for God’s whisper. A nudge keeps me grounded. I can step back, breathe a little, and realize that I’m far from the savior of Citrus County. I’m just another dummy with a keyboard.

Not sure what the point is. Deb days do this to me. 

All I know is this. I find peace and clarity in quiet moments. Can’t shut off the noise, but I don’t have to give in to it, either. 

Find your peace today, friends.

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