It's only grace that got me this far

See our photo today? Pictured is the person most responsible for the creation of Just Wright Citrus.

And it’s not the guy on the left.

We’ll come back to that. Today is a special message of grace. It’s a little story about how I arrived at this juncture in my life, and the truth that I wouldn’t be where I am if not for the grace of five specific individuals.

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So, let’s start.

June is an important month. It was 20 years ago that I stumbled through the final stages of active alcoholism. It was brutal, man. See, I had quit drinking in April, didn’t seek any 12-step help, and then picked it back up around Memorial Day. 

Patience wore thin at the Chronicle. Editor Charlie Brennan and his wife, Neale, are longtime friends who tried to help. Same with Publisher Gerry Mulligan. Their expectations were clear.

My end seemed near. I was running out of clock.

July Fourth was especially cruel. I won’t get into the details of that last drinking day, alone in my little cabin. I hope I never, ever forget it.

July 5, went to work feeling like crap. More than just hungover, simply the realization that death seemed imminent. Insane, sick, terrified. 

I sat with Nancy Kennedy, totally defeated. I told her it felt like God and the Devil were battling to the death for my soul. Her response changed everything:

“That’s a battle God always wins.”

This was news to me. I went home that day, prayed to a God I barely knew...and suddenly remembered that a guy had given me his phone number. I called that man, and he said he’d take me to a 12-step meeting the next night.

“I’ll be at your house at 7 o’clock. You be there, or I will find you,” he said.

That next day, July 6, 2006, I walked into my first meeting of recovery and haven't left.

I never would have made it to that day without Charlie, Neale, Gerry, and Nancy. They encouraged me and held me accountable.

A few weeks into sobriety, I started wearing ties to work (thank goodness I’m past that stage). One day, Neale sent me a note, “I just want you to know you look very nice today.”

I look back at that time and marvel that they didn’t toss me to the scrap heap. I certainly did not deserve their grace, which brought me another 15 years as a sober reporter on the Chronicle staff. 

There are many others who knew me well back then. They also afforded me grace, and not condemnation. I’m grateful today for them all.

I’d like to say I sobered up and became a model human with no character flaws. Unfortunately, that hasn’t happened. The first part, yeah. The second part, well, depends on the day, the hour, or the moment.

Such as the work moment that occurred in August 2021. A bad moment. 

(I’m going to avoid the details. If you really wanna know, message me, and we can have a Cattle Dog chat.)

Trina Murphy had just been named Chronicle Publisher. Even though I owned up to the moment immediately, I knew this was totally Trina's call what happened next.

She chose grace. I'll never forget that conversation. She was incredibly kind and gracious. We talked it through. It resulted in my retirement from the Chronicle after nearly 35 years, something I was ready for. That retirement afforded me an alternative career path, and you’re reading the result.

Why am I telling you all this? As I near this sober milestone, I'm quite aware of those exhibiting kindness and grace. Seems like I'm more attracted to it now than ever before. I have friends who know my gunk and don't run away. Our bonds are tighter than that. In this world, I need a few people I can cling to on occasion. And they can cling to me.

I visited with Trina the other day and told her how much I appreciated what she did. She, and others I mentioned here, blocked my road to destruction. I'll never, ever forget it.

Sobriety is a life of purpose. Grace opens that door.

— Active alcoholism and addiction are truly horrible. If you’re in that grip and want out, message me. Maybe I can help.

Hey, it’s a steamy summer weekend! Enjoy it, friends.

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