Kindness feeds the soul in my grief

Every morning, same thing.

I’m out of bed around 6:30 and out the door by 7 to visit with friends. Home by around 10, pull into the garage, get out of the car, close the garage door, and then head into the house.

The quiet house. 

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I instinctively glance in this direction or that for my Buddy, but he isn’t there. I then fight the urge to break down. Sometimes I succeed. Often, I don’t.

I shared so much of Buddy in this blog that it’s now the only place I can go to grieve. It helps by getting some of this out. I ask for your indulgence and pray it isn’t in poor taste.

Still processing what happened. Buddy was so happy, and never let on that he was sick until too late. I replay those final hours every day. Even leaving him that morning at the Animal Emergency of Hernando, attached to an IV, I was convinced he’d be home the next day.

Instead, I got a phone call.

Now. Buddy was not my first pet. I have grieved over the loss of dogs and cats. Deb’s kitty Molly died just a few months before Buddy showed up. All of these losses were deep and painful.

But, man, that every-so-often bond between two beating hearts, whether they be two-legged or four, can’t be adequately described or replicated.

All I can do is experience the emptiness. There is nowhere to go. No escape.

One thing I do know is that I’m not alone. I’ve heard from so many Just Wright Citrus readers the last few weeks offering condolences and beautiful messages of their own furry friends.

Buddy made many friends through the blog who now share my hurt. Commissioner Jeff Kinnard’s wife, Renee, is one of them.

You’d think a county commissioner’s spouse would zero in on what’s being written about her husband on a daily basis. Nope. Rarely heard from her. I doubt Renee and I had more than a few pleasant greetings in the eight years I’ve known Jeff. 

My first Buddy post changed all that. Renee became an immediate Buddy fan, diving into the Facebook conversation when Buddy was the topic, and making sure to ask about Buddy whenever we’d see one another.

It became clear within a few months that Buddy had established quite a list of Citrus County friends. I knew if I needed to get out of town for a day, I could call on any number of people to keep an eye on Buddy. Renee topped that list.

The day Buddy died, July 14, I was preparing the Monday blog. I sent Jeff a text because I didn’t want him and Renee to read about Buddy before hearing from me first. They both answered me right away.

And Renee kept it going. Each day after that came a note of encouragement and prayer. 

“Mike, I can’t imagine the emptiness you must be feeling. Please know that we will be keeping you in our daily prayers and thoughts. I’ll pray for strength, comfort, and that you feel ease from the pain of your loss.”

And on it went.

One late night, Renee sent me this message: “Hi Mike, just want you to know that we just prayed for you. I feel in my heart that you will be OK. You’ll be strong, and focused. Don’t be hard on yourself. Give yourself time and room to heal. There are so many who love you, and have much grace to give you.”

She seemed to sense I was feeling lost. When I didn’t show up at a Sugarmill Woods political event one night, Renee cut right to the chase in a text. “Can I bring you a meal?”

Food? Someone is offering to feed me? Look, I’m a news reporter from the old days, which means I’ve been broke for 40 years. Our types never turn down food.

A few days later, Jeff showed up at my house carrying enough baked ziti and meatballs to feed me for a year. Knowing that it came from a place of compassion made the meal even more satisfying.

Hope I’m not embarrassing the Kinnards with this little personal tale. I just like to recognize truly nice people.

Meanwhile, I’m slowly winding down the Buddy presence in the house. He’s the first pet I brought home in an urn, and I’m getting used to that. His crate and beds haven’t moved. I don’t know how long they’ll be there.

I sincerely appreciate the kind words and prayers. It’ll get better, I know it will.

Have a wonderful August weekend, friends.

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