My calling card rests in Key Largo

How I spent my summer vacation: Driving eight hours through Florida’s heartland to nowhere.

Actually, I had a single destination: Card Sound Road from Homestead to the Upper Keys simply because my favorite fiction authors, Carl Hiaasen, and the late Tim Dorsey, immerse it in so many of their adventures.

Basically, though, my vacation was a long drive. Just the way I like it.

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The mission: Visit someplace I’d never been and see things I’d never seen. With that I had three criteria: Stay in Florida, away from freeways and big cities, on the numbered back roads. Time and speed were not an issue. I could have driven 50 miles or 500. Didn’t matter, so long as it fit the mission.

So, I set my sights on Key Largo. Monday morning, off I went.

Of course, I took notes so I could blog about it. And that’s what I’m telling the IRS if they ask.

— That’s right, I took notes behind the wheel by speaking into an app on my phone. Which means they make less sense than usual. Here’s an example:

“Stop at The Visitor Center learned about alligators they run fast and short distances don’t feed them and their jaws are sharp or strong.”

— My route south: U.S. 41 to U.S. 98, to U.S. 301. Stay on 301 when 98 splits off south of Dade City. Take Hwy. 39 in Zephyrhills south all the way to Hwy. 62 in Duette. Head east past the Hardee Correctional Institute to U.S. 17 just north of Wauchula. Take 17 south to Zolfo Springs, and head east on Hwy. 66. That goes to U.S. 27, which I drove until I hit Hwy, 29, which took me through Labelle and Immokalee to the Tamiami Trail, U.S. 41. From there a pleasant drive through the Big Cypress Wildlife Management Area.

No panthers or gators but saw plenty of law enforcement. They’re serious about the speed limit.

— Tunes are vital for this drive. I decided we’d go with CDs over streaming: Led Zeppelin, Bob Seger (“You are here because you want the real thing!”), Dave Alvin, and bringing up the rear, a classic from a years ago adventure — “Hobo” Jim’s Alaska, sort of a Boxcar Willie about the frozen north. Also, long stretches of silence. 

— Card Sound Road. It connects Homestead with the Upper Keys, but it’s not U.S. 1. It's a little out of the way, so most tourists miss it. I know I did on my prior Keys visits. But both Hiaasen and Dorsey include the road, bridge and Alabama Jack’s restaurant prominently in their books.

Yeah, I drove eight hours so I could drive on another road.

My notes: “Turning onto Card Sound Road the whole reason for my drive is to get on this road better pay attention here.”

Alabama Jack’s is one of those local iconic joints that you don’t visit for the food. My fish sandwich was OK, but the experience was pretty cool. I attached a Just Wright Citrus business card along one of the posts. Never know how that’ll pan out.

— Driving into Key Largo around 6 p.m., I had to make a decision. Am I staying the night or heading back? I’d been on the road for eight hours. The ride back at night wouldn’t take as long, but the logical move said stay.

I found a simple motel/resort with a lit “vacancy” sign and pulled in. After securing a room for the night, I took a quick stroll and determined that I’d stay another night to continue exploring. So, I booked a second night in Room 16.

And…regretted it within 10 minutes. The whole idea of taking a long drive is taking another long drive home without worry about blog deadlines. I decided to see what Tuesday morning would bring.

Well, it brought a phone call from someone who suggested I be in Citrus County on Wednesday. The motel staff was very nice in a small-town way, and they promised to help me get the second night fee waived.

(I emailed the owner, and guess what? He’s removing the second-night charge. That’s the Seafarer Resort in Key Largo.)

— Took essentially the same route home with a few changes. I’m not a big fan of a map on the phone (1 inch = 3 states), but I do appreciate the little blue Big Brother dot that tells me where I am on the roadway.

Not many notes on the ride back. (“Clewiston is America’s sweetest town.”) Arrived home Tuesday night in time to post Wednesday’s blog.

It was a good trip, a great trip. I needed a breather, and I got one. All rested and geared up for Citrus County.

Oops, almost forgot… no blog on Labor Day. Have a fun and safe weekend, friends.

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