Struggling to blog without Buddy

Good morning, Citrus County.
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As week’s go this one was terrible. Buddy’s loss is devastating, worse than I could ever imagine. He was so much a part of my life and this blog for the last six months, it’s inconceivable that he’s gone so quickly.

On Thursday afternoon, I packed up Buddy’s remaining food and took it to the Animal Shelter. Afterward, I sat in my car and sobbed.

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Today isn’t a Buddy cry-fest, I promise.

I cherish many aspects of this blog. At the top is the relationship I’ve built with readers. We’ve morphed from blogger/reader to friends. You’ve allowed me to share details of my personal life; many readers attended Mike’s 65th and Bluegrass last October.

Our online conversations are cordial and casual. I run into Just Wright Citrus readers all over the place, and it’s like meeting an old friend for the first time.

Nothing, though, prepared me for Monday. The response to the blog about Buddy’s passing was really something — over 1,000 people between the website and Facebook reacting or commenting. I’d say we’re in this together.

And that brings me to today’s message.

I’m struggling, and I’m concerned it’ll show up in the blog.

As mentioned repeatedly, this is a one-man show. There is no guest blogger. I generally write five days a week. All on my own. I seek guidance of course, but the end result comes from my mind alone.

This can occasionally get a little sticky. While I have a couple of friends who regularly read the blog each night before it’s published, they can’t tell whether my sarcasm is truly meant for the subject or if I’m just in a bad mood.

It’s a learning experience. Having never done this before — no one has in these parts — each time I write something that makes me cringe afterward, I swallow a little humble pie determined to be nicer next time.

That works well in most circumstances. I catch myself getting a little too snarky or argumentative, and back down.

But when my heart is damaged, as it is now, I become super vulnerable and can snap at someone without a second thought.

I wrote something the other day about the proposed Cardinal Street development. Commissioner Ruthie Davis Schlabach jumped into the conversation to defend her position and took a slight jab at me. Nothing big. On nearly every day of the year, I ignore it.

Not Wednesday. I fired back with something to prove my point. Rather than engaging in my silly behavior, Ruthie wrote: “Before anything, I am so sorry to hear about your Buddy. You most likely gave him the BEST 6 months of his life. … Let’s have a conversation over coffee instead of comments on FB. … Bless you Mike, I appreciate you and no matter how much we go back and forth, I respect your opinion.”

I read that comment and immediately felt foolish. And a little scared.

It wasn’t out of line, this little sidebar between the commissioner and me. But it’s not what I want.

My expectations are being put to the test. I can say honestly that I’m way off the beam blog-wise. Doesn’t mean I’m going to stop writing. Just means that the blog may be a little soft (ha!) for a few days.

The timing is crucial. I still have much to say about the races, particularly sheriff and superintendent of schools. And the County Commission sets the tentative budget next week — including the sheriff’s budget.

I appreciate the condolences for Buddy more than you know. I am crushed by his loss. We’ll get through this.

— About the shirt: A few months ago, I wrote a blog that included this throwaway phrase: “I am frequently wrong. So are you. Welcome to life.” A few readers said, “Hey! That’s a great T-shirt idea!”

Well, that would have been great had I ordered the T-shirts right then. Instead I waited about a month. They came in last Friday and while they’re very cool looking (big JWC logo on the back), the phrase no longer interests me.

In fact, the more I look, it seems rather arrogant. 

That may be because I’m not feeling too confident at the moment. I may love ‘em in a few weeks.

Anyhow, let me know if you want one. 

Have a beautiful weekend, friends.

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