To the Swift(mud) go the spoils

One of my favorite lines from the TV show “M*A*S*H” comes in a scene where Col. Potter is dealing with another of Hawkeye’s madcap adventures.

Relaying that he’s a year from retirement and looking forward to backyard barbecuing, Col. Potter says to Hawkeye:

“Why are you wetting on my charcoal?”

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That’s sort of my reaction when reading over the weekend that the Southwest Florida Water Management District, commonly called Swiftmud around these parts, has decided to close the Chassahowitzka River Campground because of 2024 storm damage, and may sell it for “surplus” — a government euphemism for “we don’t want it even if you do.”

I’m just going to ramble a bit on this.

First off, truthfully, my experience on the Chaz is limited. Once or twice. I’m not a water guy, but I don’t pass up the opportunity when it arises.

My favorite Just Wright Citrus travels include a drive through Chassahowitzka and a stop at the boat ramp. It’s old Florida, like visiting the Homosassa Springs wildlife park.

Basic stuff: campground, general store, a few docks, boat ramp, and kayak launch. Very, very low key. Don’t come out here if you’re in a hurry.

Swiftmud owns the campground and 5,700 acres of pristine acreage along the river. A recent court dispute between Swiftmud and the county resulted in both sides agreeing the county owns the boat ramp and access road, with Swiftmud owning the rest.

Swiftmud said it’s closing the campground on Oct. 1, blaming damage from 2024 hurricanes. And, yeah, it’s easy to see the docks and general store are in rough shape.

The water district says it’s cost-prohibitive to repair the store and docks. Don’t want to waste the taxpayer’s dime, that sort of thing.

Or, better yet! The state could declare the 40-acre campground as surplus and sell it.

It’s in these moments where I wonder if state bureaucrats leave their offices at all and tiptoe into the real world. This state, for some reason, has toyed with getting rid of conservation land. Citizens, in all their might, have raised Cain about it.

And yet, here we are again.

Hey, Florida, in case you haven’t noticed, citizens are going ballistic about all the construction taking place. Not a day goes by that nature isn’t uprooted in the name of progress.

So, frankly, the state has a lot of gall to label as surplus ANY conservation land. What…we have too many trees and not enough rooftops?

Not only that, but I hope some newspaper reporter asks the state for its repair estimates on the docks and general store. The Swiftmud announcement said repairs are “not an effective way to utilize tax dollars.”

Look, Swiftmud, don’t take this personally, but that doesn't pass the smell test. A year after the hurricane damage, on the heels of a court case where the lines of ownership between agency and county are clearly delineated, Swiftmud suddenly decides it can’t afford the campground? Something just doesn’t quite fit.

Citrus County will keep a close eye on it. If Swiftmud is serious about selling the campground, the county is a potential buyer (for one dollar) considering its presence in the area. We’re a ways off from that talk, though.

(Swiftmud says if it sells the campground it would use the proceeds for the “purchase of conservation lands to protect critical ecosystems.” Like…Pirates Cove? That would be the definition of ironic.)

I don’t usually write about environmental stuff cuz it’s just not my strength. But dumb government decisions? That is my wheelhouse, and this one fits right in there.

Pencil-pushing government types tend to lack imagination, and that’s why they shut down the popular stuff to save money rather than spend money on the stuff we like and get rid of what we don’t.

It often seems the state government isn’t happy unless someone’s aggrieved. Well done, Swiftmud. Take a bow.

Have a wonderful Tuesday, friends.

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